What you should look out for in a relationship (Pt 2)

By Fr. Kelvin Ugwu

Admire and love an intelligent man if that is your spec, or one that can buy you Porsche car, or one that sleeps in the church and quote bible,

But,

Do not marry a man who does not value your values, unless you don’t have values.

Your values are what you place great importance to. To some, it is there principle or standard or worth that hold strongly everything they do. Remove this value, so many things will begin to fall apart.

Just few examples:

I knew of a young Catholic girl who does not miss morning masses every day. On her way to mass, she prays the rosary. She built her life with this daily devotion such that it has helped her greatly to remain sane in such a world that has the tendency of making you go insane.

Then, she got attracted to this man that met her specs. But the man is not a Catholic. That is not even the issue. The man adores her as an angel, but sees the rosary on her hands as satanic.

He forgot that what he called satanic contributed in building his girl to be angelic.

Then the girl was busy lying to herself, “I will change him after marriage, mother Mary will do it.”

After marriage, the number one source of quarrels in the house will always be about “I have told you, your worship of Mary and the Rosary is none scriptural. And anything that is not scriptural is satanic.” The girl will ordinarily feel sad that what has been helpful to her spiritual life is termed ‘satanic’. All arguments from her about the difference between honoring Mary and worshipping her fell on deaf ears. Worst still, the man is not even a strong Christian in his church.

The story did not end well. But let me say this before I get misunderstood.

This is not about church; this is about knowing that some people built their lives on some principles. Anything that obstructs it, will automatically affect other aspects of their lives.

I have seen girls that built their values on remaining virgins. And suddenly a man comes into their lives and he is like “you are a virgin in this era?”

Most men do not understand that the issue is not merely about remaining virgin until after marriage, but it is more about having to do something that makes you proud of yourself. It is about something that holds the key to your morality; something that gives you that feeling that you are not ungrateful to God for his love.

When a man finally talks the girl into giving up her virginity under this sweet line “It is not a big deal.” She soon discovers that the man lied because it will be more than a big deal. It will come to a point where she won’t be able to keep record of the number of times she had sex in a week. At some days when there will be delay in her menstruation, she worries herself to death – thinking she is pregnant. She soon starts taking contraceptive pills that definitely has side effects. She soon starts buying condoms to keep in her bag. And should incase she becomes pregnant, she knows she will abort it.

That is how one time good girl, in no time turns to be something else.

There are some women that hate porn to the bone. They do not fancy the whole idea of having sex like beasts. But, in the name of marriage, they find themselves with this man who started having sex from his teenage age. He knows all the styles. He knows all the porn stars too. He forces his wife to watch it. He wants the wife to put one leg on the window and another on the door in the name of sex styles. The guilt in this woman is not even allowing her reach orgasm even if she wants to.

Just that singular act changes her. She sees the marriage as a burden. Sex as punishment not something for pleasure. Take it or leave it, such man will begin to cheat in the name of “my wife is not satisfying me”. The more the woman tries to satisfy him, the more frustrated she becomes because she can never met up to his demands.

He may have all you want in a man, but if he does not value your values, I am sorry, that union will be like “living in a bondage part one part two.”

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