By Fr. Kelvin Ugwu
More than anything else, look forward to conflicts or disagreements.In this era, do not look out for a ‘God-fearing-man’ or a ‘God-fearing-woman’.
The God-‘fearingness’ of a man or a woman is mostly shaped by his or her religious affiliation. Often, this does not define the person. Rather, it conditioned him or her.
Now, in this era where praying every morning before opening ones shop/office does not stop the lies or cheating that will be done at the course of business that day; in this era where people teach and believe that paying tithe gives them a direct ticket to heaven and not good deeds; in this era where killing those that their particular religion tagged as “infidels” is seen as a great service that will be rewarded in paradise, then just be aware that what you may be calling ‘God-fearing’ may in actual sense be Devil-fearing or Man-fearing. In this era, do not look out for physical beauty. He is cute and muscular are all attributes, not the man. She is beautiful and sexy are only accidents, not the essence.
Now, in this era where people enlarge certain parts of their bodies simply because they perceived that their partner prefers it ‘big’; in this era where the number of make-up kits and make-up artists double the number of faces available to be made-up, then it will be foolishness to think that physical look is who a person is.
My advice to you is, in this era look rather for conflicts, disagreements, misunderstandings, issues, sins. . .Yeah, it sound somehow, but that is actually what will help you.
More than anything else, conflicts/challenges reveal the strength or resilience of the person. Disagreements/misunderstandings reveal the way the person thinks and could process things.If you catch him cheating, do not look merely at the act of cheating; rather pay attention to his reactions and responses. Was he sorry because he was caught? Was he caught because he was sorry? The response and reactions speak more than the act and reveal a lot.
In the Holy Bible, we have an example of Peter and Judas. It was their responses after they sinned, not merely their sin of betrayal that placed one above the other.When there is misunderstanding, how does she play out? The issue that caused the misunderstanding is not as important as the reactions. Pay attention to the reaction. That is the one opportunity you have to determining the maturity level of your spouse and choose whether to stay or not.
While you enjoy your partner’s loving and caring side and always long for it, pray earnestly to see his or her angry, sad, and provoked part. Things buried have a way of coming out under extreme emotions of anger or of joy.
More than anything else, it is often in a person’s worst condition that his or her real self comes out. If at his or her worst, you like what you saw or better still, you feel that what you saw can be tolerated or managed by you, then you are good to go.
One of the most unfortunate things that could happen to you is to get married to a man or woman whom you never had time to see beyond their physical looks or your religiously tailored idea of ‘godfearingness.’